You Make Me Sick
by SillyQuill
Summary: Naruto is sick and it's all Sasuke's fault! Not only does Naruto have to put up with this wretched cold, but he also has to put up with the person who gave it to him for the duration. And, if the illness doesn't get him, living with Sasuke will. Oneshot.


**Enjoy the random oneshot! (This is not yaoi or shounen ai. Sorry if that's what you were looking for.)**

**I don't own ****Naruto**** or "Kleenex." **

Naruto sniffled. Then, he sniffled again. Finally, he began hacking and coughing, not used to the sensation.

_How could I get sick?_

When the coughing had passed, Naruto made a flailing grab for a near-empty box of tissues lying on its side on the cluttered floor. _I need to stock up on these._

For the past two, no, _three_ days, Naruto had felt like death warmed over. Sometimes not even that good.

He trumpeted his nose into a handful of tissues, the cacophonous noise almost blotting out the sound of someone knocking at the door.

"Huh? Uh, come in!" he called out, triggering more coughing and hacking.

"Well, you sound as if you have a good reason for missing training," Kakashi cheerfully commented as he walked into the apartment and to the doorway of Naruto's bedroom. His showing eye aloofly surveyed the overflowing garbage can of used, congealing Kleenex, the multiple bottles of various brands of cold medicine scattered down by the bed that Naruto had ventured out to buy (he hadn't known which to get, never having needed them before, so he'd gotten them all), and the general messiness of the room, with scrolls strewn about and dirty dishes stacked on every surface.

_I'll just give him the benefit of the doubt that it's not always this disorganized,_ Kakashi thought to himself, having a hunch that he was lying to himself.

"Hi, Kakashi-sensei. It's so strange. I've never been sick in my life," Naruto muttered, everything seeming a bit hazy.

"It is a little strange. I assume you have a fever, as well?"

"Yeah." Naruto put a hand to his own forehead. "It was worse a little while ago according to that." He used his other hand to point to a thermometer that he bought at the same time as the cold medicines. "But, it's been steady for the past few hours."

"Well, that's some good news," Kakashi said in as optimistic a tone as he could get while standing in the room of a sick person.

"Some better news would be if you knew of a way to make this cold go away…?" Naruto looked at his teacher with wide, hope-filled eyes.

"Sorry, Naruto. You're just going to have to be sick for a while. But, I do have a theory, at least, as to how and _who_ got you sick," Kakashi said mysteriously.

"Who?" Naruto demanded to know. _Whoever_ _they are, they are so dead. I don't like being sick!_

"Just a moment." Kakashi turned away and walked back into the main area of the apartment, just as Naruto fell into another coughing fit.

When Kakashi came back in, he had a foldable cot under one arm, and Sasuke Uchiha, dressed in his pajamas and a robe, held upright by the other.

"What are _you_ doin' here?" Naruto rasped out, pointing a shaking, incredulous finger at his teammate.

"Don't ask me, knucklehead. I was dragged here," Sasuke said, wavering where he stood, Kakashi's hand on his back the only thing keeping him from falling over. He was red in the face, not from embarrassment, but from the fever that he had, and that, apparently, he had passed on to Naruto. "Well, Kakashi?" Sasuke asked, doing his best to look up at their sensei, getting dizzy from the effort.

"Well, I figured this would be a good chance for you two to develop your sense of… solidarity," Kakashi answered off-handedly, setting the cot down and scratching the back of his head absent-mindedly, not looking at either of them.

"Soli-what-ity?" Naruto asked, dazed and confused with everything being exceptionally fuzzy at the moment.

"It means teamwork. You're still pushing that?" Sasuke directed the second part at Kakashi, having to clear his throat as he did so.

Kakashi sighed. "Since neither of you seem to be getting it, I have no choice but to 'push it.' It's _important_. And, it's detrimental to the whole of Team 7 that the both of you are too dense to get that."

Naruto 'hmphed' and Sasuke muttered something that sounded like 'whatever' under his breath, causing Kakashi to sigh again. He dragged Sasuke over to Naruto's bed and sat him down on the edge. When Sasuke seemed about to slide down and off the mattress onto the trash-strewn floor, Kakashi pushed him backwards so that he was lying uncomfortably and undignified across the top of Naruto's legs.

"Get off, Sasuke," Naruto complained, trying to drag a leg out to kick Sasuke off the other one. To his credit, Sasuke was trying to get up, but he in no way had the strength for it, and just ended up collapsing back over Naruto again.

"Naruto, just give me a moment to set this up and then I'll get Sasuke off of you, okay?" Kakashi said tiredly, already starting in on assembling the cot. "If you behave for now, I'll even fetch a TV for you should you guys feel better later," he bribed, catching the mutinous look on the blonde's features.

Naruto's face didn't exactly brighten, but he did quit trying to kick at Sasuke.

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask; he figured that the bribe would work. Now, he would have to find some carrot to dangle in front of Sasuke's nose to make him play nice once he was feeling well enough to start causing trouble for Naruto.

_That shouldn't take too long_, Kakashi thought to himself, his hidden smile slipping into a grimace.

"Okay, that's set up," he announced when the cot was ready. Reaching out a hand, Kakashi grabbed Sasuke by the arm and swung him onto the makeshift bed. When Sasuke bounced and seemed to wince from the movement, Kakashi prayed that what seemed to be a head cold that had migrated down into the lungs wasn't just a mask for some sort of covert stomach bug about to unleash its fury. Sasuke seemed to be a day or two ahead of Naruto, so Kakashi would be keeping a closer eye on him to see when the boys might be ready to get back to the several little missions that had started to pile up for the team.

"You're good, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, ready to dive for the garbage can should the kid need it.

Sasuke gave his sensei a dirty look before spitting out, "I'd be better if I were in my _own home_."

"I'd be better if you were in your own home, too," Naruto roughly grumbled.

Leaning to one side unsteadily, Sasuke bared his teeth at Naruto around Kakashi. "Why don't you shut… shut u-uh…" Sasuke hurriedly turned his head to the side and sneezed into the crook of his elbow. "…Up," he finished less than half-heartedly, his nose still buried in his sleeve, muffling his voice.

Kakashi reached over and snagged the Kleenex box from Naruto's bed. He offered the box to Sasuke who grabbed a few of the remaining tissues from its near-empty insides. "Why don't you _both_ calm down a tad bit, hmm? It'll make it a lot easier on all of us."

He didn't receive any encouraging response from either boy.

"Okaaay." Kakashi began backing out of the room, Naruto's and Sasuke's eyes following him resentfully. "Whether you want it or not, you two are stuck together for the next few days. I'll go find you a television so that you don't rip each other to pieces during that time." He reached the exit.

"Until then, have fun, boys," Kakashi wished cheerfully, quickly opening the door and closing it behind him, shutting the boys in together.

Sasuke rolled over and turned his back to Naruto. He _really _just wanted to sleep at this point in his cold, and he was still ticked off that he wasn't being allowed to use his own bed to do so.

"You wanna watch a movie or somethin' when he gets back?" Naruto asked nasally, unable to stand being quiet when another person was around to talk with, even if it _was_ Sasuke.

"No," Sasuke responded, sounding just as plugged up as Naruto.

"'Scuse me for tryin' to help ya be a little less miserable," Naruto snuffled.

"Just _shut up_ and that will help me so much more than any movie," Sasuke rejoined, coughing as he finished.

"Fine," Naruto pouted, rolling over himself so that he faced the wall.

_Solidarity my butt. I hate him even more now than I did before!_

* * *

><p>Sasuke snored. Maybe it was only because he was sick and his sinuses were plugged up, but Sasuke snored.<p>

_This is driving me __**nuuuts**__!_

Naruto sat up in bed, having to steady himself on his headboard as his blood rushed from his head.

This was just great. Not only did Sasuke give him the cold that made it hard to sleep and torturous to be awake, but he made it even _more_ impossible to go to sleep just by breathing!

_How could Kakashi-sensei stick me with him? He's such a jerk! Kakashi, too._

Naruto lay back down, not feeling energized enough to get into a fight with Sasuke should he wake him up and tell him to cut it out. He tried to get comfortable under the covers, but his fever had made it uncomfortably hot, yet not having any covers made it too cold.

"Gack!" Naruto rolled over onto his belly and buried his face into his pillow. Unfortunately, that left his ears exposed and he could hear every single snort and gurgle his temporary roommate made.

Naruto groaned into his hot, sweat-drenched pillow, almost drowning out the sound of the phone ringing next to the bed. Naruto's entire body flinched at the unfamiliar sound; it wasn't like many people had called him in his life. Naruto turned his head to the side and numbly stared at the yelping green phone for several rings until he felt something whack his foot.

Looking down he saw Sasuke's bloodshot eyes glaring up at him, his hand still extended from taking a swipe at Naruto's nearest appendage. "Answer the stupid phone, moron," he growled, his voice hoarse. Probably from the snoring.

"Let go of my foot," Naruto snapped back, finally reaching over for the phone. He felt Sasuke let go as he brought the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"

"_Hi, Naruto_," a girl's voice greeted.

"Sa-Sakura?"

"_Yeah. Who else, silly? Why'd it take you so long to pick up? Oh, I didn't wake you up, did I?_" She actually sounded worried that she might have disturbed him. How cute!

"Uh, no, no, Sakura," Naruto quickly reassured. He shot Sasuke a nasty look. "I was _already_ awake."

Sasuke didn't seem to care that the statement was directed at him and just rolled his eyes before burrowing once more beneath the pile of blankets Kakashi had also brought along.

"_Well, that's good… Can I talk to Sasuke?_"

"…What!" Naruto fell into a fit of coughing. "How did you even know he was here?"

"_Kakashi-sensei stopped by to pick up our old TV for you guys, and he mentioned it then_."

"Oh," was all Naruto could think of to say._ Damn you, Kakashi!_

"_So, could you pass the phone to Sasuke, now, please?_" Sakura asked sweetly.

"You really want to talk Sasuke?" Naruto drew out, wincing as he spoke, already knowing the answer.

Sasuke's head suddenly flew up, and Naruto swore his eyes looked alarmed for just a second. He began shaking his head back and forth, obviously trying to get it across that, _no_, _he_ did not want to talk to Sakura. Too bad Naruto wasn't asking him.

"_Yes, Naruto,_" Sakura replied with a note of impatient exasperation. She sighed over the line. "_I really do want to talk to Sasuke._"

An evil grin spread across Naruto's face. "Alright. Here he is." Naruto held out the receiver to Sasuke. "It's _Sakura_," he needlessly explained.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him, but didn't move to take the phone. Naruto jiggled it at him. "Take the stupid phone, moron." Ah, the delectableness of revenge in which one turns one's own words against them; it made Naruto warm and fuzzy inside in a way much different from what the fever did.

Sasuke dark, red-rimmed eyes shot daggers at Naruto, and Naruto thought for a moment that maybe it might have been better for his own health if he'd just let it drop. Too late now.

It took two tries, but Sasuke swiped the receiver from Naruto's grip, leaving the other's palm stinging.

"Hello, Sakura," Sasuke coughed.

"_Oh, Sasuke! You sound awful!_" Naruto was able to hear Sakura's screech from several feet away and saw Sasuke squeeze his eyes shut in pain.

"Thanks," Sasuke responded, his sarcasm unable to be quelled even by a stuffed head, a sore throat, or a pair of mucus-filled lungs, not to mention the burning forehead and just general fatigue. That was an _Uchiha_ for you.

Sakura said something back at a more tolerable volume and got a grunt in response. Naruto watched and listened as Sasuke dragged an arm across his eyes and just grumbled something every time Sakura stopped talking for a moment. Naruto doubted he was actually listening to her, but more to her pauses.

_If Sakura were talking to __**me**__, I would actually listen to her,_ Naruto thought, moping to himself. _At least Sasuke's not snoring anymore_.

Eventually, Sasuke interrupted Sakura, probably midsentence, and asked, "Sakura, was Kakashi planning on coming straight here, or what?"

Sakura said something to which Sasuke 'uh-huhed' to before saying, "Then, he'll probably be here soon, and I doubt he'd think talking on the phone was a good idea for someone who is sick."

"Oh, please," Naruto scoffed, wheezing.

Sasuke ignored him and muttered a quick, "Yeah, bye," before tossing the phone at Naruto to hang up. It hit the pillow just next to his head, and Naruto figured that the cold had caused Sasuke to miss his actual target: Naruto's nose.

"You don't have to be such a jerk to her," Naruto commented as he slammed the phone into its cradle.

"She didn't seem to notice," Sasuke flippantly responded. "Kakashi is stopping by my house and a couple other places before he brings the TV over, but he left a while ago, so he should be back soon."

Naruto blinked a couple of times. "Wouldn't it have been smarter for him to get the TV _last_, then?"

Sasuke snorted in amusement which led to him clearing his throat. "Yeah. But, the more time we spend with him, the less I think he's actually _smart_, just—"

"Just what, Sasuke?"

Naruto screamed as Kakashi suddenly appeared in the doorway carrying a television, it's cord dangling just inches above the floor, and a backpack and a couple of plastic bags. Sasuke jumped and one of his legs fell over the edge of the cot, but he otherwise remained composed as Naruto began doing his best to hack up a lung after his prolonged yelp.

"Shouldn't—" cough, cough "—you have—" cough "—_knocked?_" Naruto was able to get out, his eyes watering and face turning an alarming, pulsing purple-red.

"I didn't knock because I didn't want to drop anything," Kakashi coolly responded, turning his eye to Naruto, wondering if the boy might need the Heimlich maneuver or perhaps CPR.

"You managed to open the door without dropping anything," Sasuke pointed out, righting himself on the tangle of linens he was using as a bed.

"I wouldn't be drawing attention to myself if I were you," Kakashi calmly told him as he maneuvered between the boys and set the older TV on top of the dresser at the foot of Naruto's bed, its cord barely missing taking out one of Sasuke's eyes on the way.

"So, were you two able to get some sleep at least while I was gone?" Kakashi asked as he set down the pack and bags and began looking for a wall plug-in. "I don't see any blood on the walls, so I doubt you had much of a chance to 'talk' while I was away."

"No, we mostly slept," Sasuke answered for them; Naruto was only now getting his breathing under control. Sasuke sat up with a bit of a struggle and looked back over his shoulder at the still red-faced boy. "Where's your bathroom, Naruto?"

Naruto pointed out the door and managed to say, "Second door on your left. First one's a closet."

Sasuke managed to heave himself out of bed on his own and unsteadily weave his way out of the bedroom. Kakashi found a plug for the television just as Sasuke closed the bathroom door behind him, and, after grabbing something out of one of the bags, walked over to Naruto and plopped the remote into his hand.

"It's your place, so I figure you deserve control over the TV," he mentioned as he sat himself down on Sasuke's unoccupied cot.

Naruto felt himself smile for the first time in days. "Cool."

"So, you "mostly slept?"" Kakashi continued.

"Oh, well, Sakura called to talk to Sasuke just a little bit ago," Naruto explained, looking over to see what the remote could do. "She woke Sasuke up."

"Ah." Kakashi nodded in understanding. _She only called Sasuke? That's not helping to build teamwork, Sakura._ "What about you? You said she only woke Sasuke up."

Naruto smiled again, devilishly, but it was combined with a grimace. "I was already awake. Did you know that Sasuke _snores_ when he's sick?" Naruto chuckled quietly, stopping when he felt a strong tickle in his throat.

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. "No, I didn't know that… But, I wouldn't make a big deal of it in front of him if I were you."

Naruto's brows rose. "Why not?"

The door to the bathroom opened again. "Just 'cause," Kakashi hurriedly answered, standing up so Sasuke could have the cot back. He practically fell into it. "Your stomach okay, Sasuke?"

Sasuke shot Kakashi a look. "Yes. It's not that kind of sickness."

"Just checking." Kakashi grabbed the bags from the floor. "The backpack has some of your things from home should you need them, Sasuke," he informed. "And, this," he held up one of the plastic bags before dropping it on the bed by Naruto's feet, "is full of movies you guys might want to watch later. The TV has a VHS player built in."

"Oh, sweet." Naruto was practically drooling, not having ever owned a TV himself.

"And, since neither of you seem to be nauseous or anything," Kakashi reached into the bag and drew out a Styrofoam bowl with a lid and a spoon tapped to it and handed it to Sasuke, "I brought you lunch. Tomato soup for Sasuke." He turned to Naruto who had an eager look on his face. "And, chicken-flavored ramen from Ichiraku's for Naruto."

"You are _such_ an awesome nurse, Kakashi!" Naruto reached out his arms imploringly for his bowl.

"Uh, thanks…" Kakashi handed over the ramen and quickly pulled his hand back lest it be devoured along with the noodles.

"Kakashi," Sasuke started, sniffling as he did so, "why aren't you scared of catching this cold?"

Kakashi answered by pointing at his face. "The mask blocks out the germs."

Sasuke looked cynically between Kakashi's eye and his mask. "Really?"

"Well, we'll see how it does."

Sasuke smirked. "That's what I thought."

"Eat your soup, Sasuke," Kakashi ordered.

"Yeah, Schmasuke, eat your schoup," Naruto parroted, his mouth full of noodles.

* * *

><p>Kakashi left soon after of that, when Sasuke was halfway through his soup and Naruto had been finished with his ramen for about five minutes.<p>

Naruto was feeling a lot better after lunch (there must have been some spice in there that helped to clear out his nose for the moment) and was happily sorting through the pile of videos. Awesome! They were all action movies!

"Oi, Sasuke. Which one of these do you want to watch first, huh?"

Sasuke cleared his throat and set his now-empty bowl aside. "I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to watch a movie."

"Yeah, but you were feeling like crap then. You gotta be feeling better by now."

Sasuke sighed. "Whatever. Watch what you want. I'm going to take some medicine and try to sleep again."

"Puh. Fine." Naruto picked a movie at random, one that pictured explosions on the front, back, and spine, and scooted to the end of the bed to put it in the machine, while Sasuke shuffled through the scattered bottles of cold medicine for something that would knock him out and that hadn't already been half-guzzled by Naruto.

Sasuke had tossed back some green, viscous liquid, made a disgusted face (apparently he didn't like the taste of licorice), and gone limp on his cot again by the time the opening credits began with a bang.

It wasn't long before Naruto started feeling awful again and was starting to slump over. He made a whining noise as he reached over and grabbed his thermometer. It was one of the new electronic types, and as it started beeping, Sasuke started snoring again.

Naruto groaned and tossed the thermometer across the room without waiting for it to finish its reading. Pushing himself upright again, Naruto grabbed the remote and turned the television volume up to twice what it had been to drown Sasuke out.

Naruto was forcing himself to be interested in the espionage thriller and had actually found himself getting into the plot when the first bombs in the movie went off.

Catching movement out of the corner of his eye, Naruto turned to see Sasuke sitting up and snarling at him.

"Turn it _down_, loser!" he hoarsely shouted over the movie.

Probably because of the fever, with some help from the anger being shown on the screen, Naruto was suddenly ticked off at Sasuke since it was entirely his fault that they were sick _and_ that Naruto had to turn up the damn volume because _he_ _snored_.

"You know what, Sasuke? I've had just about enough of you—!"

"Oh, _please!_ Don't _you_ know how everyone already had enough of you? How can you complain about me?"

"Because, you snore!" Naruto yelled, having made his way into a kneeling position on his bed.

Sasuke gave him a hugely incredulous look and pushed himself up off his bed so that he was also kneeling and they were in each other's face. "So do you, idiot. I only do it when I'm not feeling well, but _you_ snore _constantly_. Every time we go on an overnight mission I'm surprised we make it out without busted eardrums!"

Naruto could only gibber, flustered, in response. "W-well, uh, um—"

"But, amazingly enough, that's nothing compared to the racket coming from that retched TV, so turn. It. Down!"

Naruto suddenly sneezed. Right in Sasuke's face.

Sasuke blinked once, having the most shocked expression on his face that Naruto had ever seen.

"You son of a—"

"I didn't mean it!"

That didn't stop Sasuke from doing his best to slam his fist into Naruto's face. Unlike with the phone, this time his aim was dead-on.

* * *

><p>Four days later, Naruto was woken up at six in the morning by Sasuke packing.<p>

"Can't you do that later?" Naruto moaned, pulling the covers up over his head.

"No. The sooner I get away from you, the better." He zipped his backpack closed briskly and started in on the blankets and cot.

"Ugh. Not all of us are over the cold _you_ gave them yet, you know?" Naruto griped from beneath the sheets.

"No, but I am, so who cares about you?"

"Just get out."

"What do you think I'm doing?" Sasuke finished folding the cot with a clatter and gathered his things. "I'll see you later, loser. Try not to choke on your own snot."

"Out!"

He slammed the door on his way out, leaving Naruto alone in his own home, _finally_. He couldn't believe Kakashi had still insisted that they stay in the same apartment together after their fight. Sasuke had tried to break his nose! He hadn't succeeded, quite, but Naruto, also for the first time in his life, now had two black eyes that the illness seemed to prevent from healing at their normal rate. Stupid Sasuke.

Kakashi _had_ said, though, that if either of them ever got sick again, he was personally going to give them both black eyes and much worse than such, and Naruto believed him… But, as Kakashi had delivered his threat, Naruto swore he heard the hint of a sniffle.

**Thank you for reading!**

**I realize that this is a rather over-used idea in one form or another, but I nevertheless had to try my hand at it. Hopefully it was an enjoyable experience reading this despite that, and I hope to hear what you think of my attempt at this genre of Naruto fanfiction.**


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